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In the book, Mahan Kosh,
Bhai Kahn Singh Nabha writes that a
girl was born in the village Pakhoke,
district Gurdaspur to Moolchand Chand
Khatri and Mata Chando. Her father was
a pious Chona Khatri merchant, who was
the tax collector (patwari) of his village.
The year is not given, but on the basis
of her year of marriage, one can guess
that it was around 1473. The writer
states that she was born with "super
characteristics," but neglects
to elaborate what these were. It is
quite obvious that he was not too concerned
about this child. He does state that
she was named Sulakhani. Nothing could
be found about her childhood or her
education, but we know as fact that
girls were not formerly educated in
those days. If she had any training,
it would have been in cooking, sewing,
embroidery and house-keeping. Unfortunately,
no-one has bothered to record anything
about her personal tastes, hobbies or
interests.
In 1969 Sikhs celehrated the 500th
birth annivcrsary of their founder.
Much research was done at that time
and some literature was produced. Professor
Sahib Singh has written that: "Bhai
Jai Ram was resident of Khanpur and
was in the service of Nawab Daulat Khan.
For his official work, he used to go
to Pakhoke village. There he talked
to Shri Moolchand for the marriage of
his daughter, and he readily agreed
to it. Guru Nanak was engaged on Visak
5, 1542, vs, and the marriage took place
on Harh 24, 1544 vs. Guru Nanak was
18 years old at the time of marriage."
Sulakhani must have been about 14.
Earlier writers have written many interesting
stories leading up to the wedding day.
It seems that Nanak refused to follow
the marriage rituals dictated by the
Brahmins of the day. He stated that
any time would be an auspicious time
for the wedding. There was no need to
cast horoscopes as he was not superstitious.
He consistently tried to break old traditions.
Moolchand became alarmed and refused
to marry his daughter to Guru Nanak.
In those days, this would have been
considered to be a major scandal. The
news of this scandal spread quickly.
Another gentleman, Shri Bhandari of
the city of Batala offered his daughter
for marriage with Guru Nanak. But Moolchand
did not wish Guru Nanak to marry Bhandari's
daughter. He thought that this could
be interpreted as rejection of his daughter
and, therefore, would be an insult to
his family's honour. He conspired to
kill Nanak instead. Moolchand arranged
for the Brahmin priests to debate marriage
rituals with the Guru. They made him
sit near a damaged wall. It had been
raining and the winds were strong. Everyone
expected the wall to collapse. The story
goes that Sulakhani, not wishing to
break her relationship after two year
engagement, sent an old woman to warn
Guru Nanak of the conspiracy. Guru Nanak
told the woman not to worry, the wall
would not collapse for years to come.
Indeed, that same wall stands today
in Batala and a famous gurdwara has
been built to commemorate the spot.
In 1487, the marriage finally did take
place, and it did ignore the Brahmin
rituals. Guru Nanak and his bride took
four rounds instead of the prescribed
seven around the sacred fire. It is
said that he also spoke a few words
at the ceremony. Unfortunately, these
words were not duly recorded and nothing
has been written regarding Sulakhani's
thoughts or sentiments on the subject.
That the event had a profound effect
on her can certainly be taken for granted.
At any rate, the marriage party and
celebrations were a grand and impressive
event attended by the rich and influential
people of that lime. Early writers have
indicated that it was a most grand affair
as befitted the daughter of the town's
tax collector.
Nanak lived with Sulakhani at Nankana
Sahib for fourteen years. Once again,
he broke the conventions of the time,
by living apart from both his family
and hers. His sister Nanaki would try
to neutralise any criticism by explaining
to one and all, that her brother needed
his own space, and a lot of it, because
of all the people who were constantly
drawn to him, to listen to his teaching.
During those fourteen years, Sulakhani
gave birth to two sons, Shri Chand and
Lakhmi Das. Nanak took great interest
in his family and gave them his love
and attention. He demonstrated by his
actions, his personal commitment to
his teachings; that salvation is reached
best through a married family life.
His teaching of the equality of women
must have also been demonstrated by
the way he treated his wife, Sulakhani's
self-esteem and happiness grew each
day. She, in turn, supportcd his mission,
participatine in hymn-singing (kirtan),
and working endlessly to feed the crowds
that came to listen to her husband.
One day, when Guru was approximately
30 years old, the day of destiny came.
Nanak sat in meditation at the bank
of the Vanyi river, when he heard God's
call to give his life for world up-lift
by guiding men on the right path to
Him."' Nanak resolved to obey the
call immediately. After three days in
prayer, he emerged saying "There
is no Hindu, no Moslem." Then he
returned to the place of employment,
resigning his post. He gave away all
he had to the poor and prepared to set
out on loot to bring his teachings to
the world at large. Many authors have
described this incident. Mata Sulakhani
is reported to have complained of his
absence to her sister-in-law. Most writers
make this appear as a negative incident,
with the wife whining and being unreasonable.
However, one must ask, was it indeed
unreasonable ? Any woman would worry
if her husband suddenly disappeared
for three days. What the incident demonstrates
is that Sulakhani had enough self-esteem
and courage that she was not afraid
to speak to her sister-in-law. In the
customs of those days, that was not
easily done. Sulakhani took the initiative
to tell Guru Nanak's family as well
as her own, that he was missing. How
they all must have rejoiced when he
reappeared three days later.
Throughout this period, though he lived
a relatively quiet life, Nanak continued
to question Brahmin rituals and to rebel
against them. He became quite well-known.
His sister Bebe Nanaki and Rai Bhullar,
the Choudhry of the area, proclaimed
him "Messenger of God." His
following grew. It is about this time
that he met Mardana, a minstrel from
Talwandi, who soon became his friend
and confidante. They spent many evenings
together, composing and singing sweet
hymns to God. One Bhai Bhagirathi also
came from Mailasi, near Multan, and
stayed with him for a while, as a sort
of disciple. Nanak's teaching life was
beginning. At this point, Nanaki gave
him a rabab, or rebeck, a musical instrument
with which he accompanied himself in
singing hymns of praise of the one true
God. A rahab was a stringed instrument,
which was of Arabian origin, and was
very popular in Northern India at the
time. It had four to six strings made
of goat gut, with corresponding steel
strings underneath which provided resonance.
It looked somewhat similar to our modern
mandolin. With time, it fell into disuse
in India, though it remains popular
in Arabic music. In providing her brother
with a rahab, and later his companion
Mardana with another, Nanaki helped
Guru Nanak establish a musical tradition
in the Sikh religion from the very start.
Nanak's disregard for Brahmin rituals
must have caused havoc in his private
life. All his piety did not impress
his parents who did not understand what
they considered to be his rebelliousness.
His father-in-law would have preferred
a more conventional mate for his daughter.
While everyone around them lived in
a joint family arrangement, Nanak, his
wife and children lived separate from
all. Every time he refused to observe
Brahmin ritual, every time he scorned
an acccpted custom or tradition, it
would have been Sulakhani who would
have had to face the scorn of her neighbours
and family. Still, he was consistent
in denouncing any injustice, any custom
based on caste, any tradition that discriminated
against any one at all. On the other
hand, Sulakhani had the benefit of listening
to his preaching and his discussions
with many strangers. She did not travel
with him, as their children were very
young when he went way. Travelling was
most difficult in those days. But she
did most certainly benefit by listening
to the many people who constantly came
to her house, seeking to hear the Guru
speak. It was an education that should
be envied by many.
At the age of 32, after making arrangements
for the well-being of his family, Nanak
left for his religious tours of preaching
the doctrines of his mission. His boys
were five and six years old at the time.
Before leaving, he made sure that his
growing congregation of disciples would
also be cared for. It was important
that they not disband and lose faith
in his absence. He left his wife with
the task of being their spiritual and
moral support until such time as he
was able to return. Thus, it can be
deduced that Sulakhani, a woman, was
the first preacher and guardian of the
new faith. She was assigned the task
of making sure that the congregation
(Panth) stays on the path given them
by their founder.
Bebe Nanaki took Shri Chand, the oldest
boy and adopted him as her own son.
This type of arrangement was a quite
common and accepted custom at that time.
By this time, Sulakhani would have understood
why her husband had to leave. With Baba
Budha at her side, she looked after
the needs of the small congregation.
The tradition of hymn-singing continued,
and with it the need to feed all who
came (langar). Guru Nanak had taught
the need to work with his own hands.
Mata Sulakhani kept that teaching alivc
in the community. She did all the household
chores herself. Nothing was beneath
her. She looked after her son, did the
kitchen chores and looked aftcr the
animals. Though she undoubtedly was
lonely, she waited patiently. When Bebc
Nanaki and Jai Ram died suddenly only
threc days of each other, she took back
her eldest son and continued with her
daily chores of looking after the fledgling
group of devotees and contributed fully
to the mission of her husband.
In his first journey, Guru Nanak reached
Dhubri in Kamrup (Assam) via Bengal.
Nur Shah was the queen. At first she
tried to tempt him in every way possible.
But soon, Nur Shah was deeply moved
hy the soul-stirring message of Nanak,
and stood before him with joined palms,
besceching him to forgive her past and
to accept her as his disciple. This
the Guru did, training her to become
his main preacher in Assam. Thus, Nur
Shah was trained hy Guru Nanak himself
and became the second known female prcacher
of Sikhism. Here again we see Guru Nanak's
commitment to the equality of women.
It was he, right from the very beginning,
who first trained women to take their
equal share of responsibility of this
new religion.
In January of 15l6, after eight years
of constant travel, Nanak returned from
his first journey. At the age of 46,
he settled on The present site of Kartarpur
and took up farming. He consoled his
aging parcnts by bringing them to live
with him quietly for nearly two ycars.
Though they wcre upset hy his continued
disregard for caste rules and social
order, they could not help hut be impressed
by the fact that he had thousands of
men and women of every class, seeking
to hear him speak. He was their Guru.
Late in 1517, Nanak and Mardana once
more set out and resumed their journey.
Eventually, Nanak returned from his
travels and established the new city
of Kartarpur. He farmed to earn his
livelihood and dressed himself as an
ordinary householder of the day. His
followers multiplied and people came
to listen to him from great distances.
He regularly preached to the crowds,
teaching all to live in this world,
in the present tense, which is, in fact,
the only reality, and to work with their
own hands, while at the same time to
remember God in their thoughts, praying
for nothing more than His grace. His
strong personal attraction came flom
a message of love, a playful sense of
humour and his persuasive words which
were always simple. straight forward
and easy for all to understand.
When his time had come in 1539, he
chose to leave responsibility of his
mission with a devout disciple, Bhai
Lahina. Historians have recorded that
the Guru's wife objected strongly to
his choice. Their eldest son, Shri Chand
had a reputation of saintliness, and
was respected and liked by all. Like
many others, Sulakhani had expected
that he would be the rightful heir.
She went to the Guru with her two sons
and asked what would become of her and
them, if Lahina was to be named the
second Guru. Nanak replied simply that
she should put her trust in God. Was
Sulakhani impertinent or did she show
ignorance by asking this question ?
I think not. On the contrary, at a time
when women were completely subjugated
by men, none would dare to question
their husband's decisions. Here we see
proof positive that Guru Nanak did indeed
have high regard for his family. He
must have heen very respectful to his
wife, so much so, that she had the freedom
to ask what she felt was important.
Her self-esteem allowed her to find
the courage to seek answers when she
had a question. In his answer, Guru
Nanak was not rebuking her or putting
her down. He had made a decision. Lahina
was better suited to be the next Guru.
It was a very simple statement, the
rest was up to God. Early writers have
recorded that after Guru Nanak's death,
Sulakhani spent the rest of her life
in Kartarpur, contributing as always
to the establishment of Sikh values
and traditions. As wife of the first
Guru, her role was an important one
and she filled it well.
Copyright © Alice Basarke "Her
Story"
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